six.

so i am a big ball of crazy.


i'm sick. the book is due in 5 days.
.......i got sick during crunch time. great.

last night i had a very tough time sleeping. i'm a bit feeverish, so i had pretty intense chills. on top of that, my throat is slowly closing in on itself.

so this is where my craziness kicked in..

i was in and out of dreams all night about how if my throat really does close up, NO ONE would know and i would die a lonely lonely hag.

see, at first my dreams were about how i wake up panicked because i cant breathe... but since i live by myself, i have no one to help me. so i go to the front house where my landlord lives, to try to wake her up... but the damn dogs keep barking and jumping at me. i'm so weak and can't breath, i fall and die while the dogs lick my face.

i might have been crying in my sleep... hah!

i'm a very positive person, i swear.

then i was hallucinating about passing out in class because of lack of oxogen to my brain. my professor would have to call 911 and paramedics would come to save me. luckily, i was wearing one of my cute bras, so when they had to rip off my shirt i wasn't embarrassed.

one of my classmates, who was really zach braff (i've been watching A LOT of scrubs lately), performs CPR on me until the paramedics arrive, and stays with me while they take me to the hospital. i have emergency surgery to get my tonsils removed, and while i recover, i color correct images for the book in my hospital bed. by the way, my gown in the hospital was xmen themed. bamf.

like i said before, BIG BALL OF CRAZY.

i guess i'm just subconsciously weirded out because this is my first time being single in FIVE YEARS, i moved to a city where i know no one, and i'm living by myself for the first time.

i'm SO lame.


Have you ever closed your eyes and typed every thought that enters your head? i don't care what justin says, it's totally possible because i did it. i got so absorbed in my thoughts that before i knew it, 20 minutes had passed. it's crazy because i had no idea what i wrote down.

i wish i had the balls to post what i typed, it's just WAY too revealing.

you should try it, though. i highly recommend it.



i love my india group but geezus, if i'm not smiling for like longer than two minutes EVERYONE asks me what's wrong. i guess i should be flattered by their concern, but when the hell did i become the designated happy chick?

i fell asleep on the lawn chairs out by the pool on campus today.
it was amazing.

have you ever wanted to rip your clothes off and run naked? today was one of those days for me.
maybe that's the medicine talking.



can i just give a huge shout out to miss alexandria cesena...
i fucking love you. thank you for listening to all of my bullshit about school. you're the only one who really listens to me, and for that you should get a nobel peace prize. if i didn't have someone to talk to about it, i would have blown something up. i know half of the time you're humoring me, but it's the effort that counts.

i don't know how you put up with me.

i wish you were a dude.

and thanks to justin...
even though i can HEAR your eyes roll back into your head whenever i bring up anything about my book group bullshit, i appreciate the fact that you constantly try to distract me with funny anecdotes and food.

you keep me sane.

this is longer than i expected. . .



peace.

ohhhh say can you.......

i think the best when i'm in the shower.
i need a waterproof recorder to record my thoughts.

busy busy busy bee.

there are SO many more productive things i should be doing instead of writing this blog. it's sad.

anyways...

don't ever tell me the following words when i misplace or lose something: "it's always the last place you look."

....i will fucking kill you.
OF COURSE IT'S THE LAST PLACE I LOOK. why the HELL would i keep looking after i find it? who thought of that saying??!

someone (who will remain nameless) said that to me yesterday, and i gave that person a looooooong lecture on how only dumbasses use it.

it frustrates the hell out of me only because i misplace everything so i hear that saying all of the time.
all the time?
all of the time?
meh.

****side note: i'm not mad today or anything... just wanted to share a few thoughts***

also..

i was driving behind this suv the other day, and they had 5 bumper stickers. all of them were about christianity (which i have NO PROBLEM with) but two of them were making me mad: Got Jesus? and Got Faith?.

now, mister suv man, i'm totally down with your faith.. but be a little bit more creative with the way your expressing it, okay? first, you have FIVE stickers about your faith. i'd believe you if you had just one. but i understand that you're super into it, however, "GOT ____" is so overused already, and you used it twice? COME ON!!

*sighhhh

on more of a positive note...
BARACK OBAMA IS OUR PRESIDENT.
how awesome is that???
i'm proud of us, america.

so, remember how i was super excited about the title we picked for the india project? well we've changed it... twice. the first time we changed it, i really didn't like it. But we chose again, and this one i'm okay with. i'm not as excited as the first one, but i don't expect that all of the decisions made by a group of 20 people are going to make me excited. but it's good. rolls right off of your tongue.

i'm still not telling you what it is, though.

the past 3 days of my life have felt like a month. is that normal?

The beegeez (book group) are meeting every day until february 2nd. yesterday was a 12 hour day for me. it was....long.

i hope i don't get fat from this.

everyone shot AMAZING images. i'm very proud to be a part of this group! we're killing it!

i need to clean my room.

peace.

heartbreak kid.

i'm in desperate need of sleep.

So this past week has been weird.

The book for the india project needs to be done by Feb 2nd. Done.
geezus.

so we have to go over 20 people's images and edit them down.
it's a lot of fun.

i had a really hard time editing my work from Light and Life Academy. going through hundreds of images of people i miss so much really took a toll on me. The worst was listening to the sound i recorded. i'm pathetic.
i avoided doing the work as much as possible. i watched the entire 4 seasons of the office, 4 seasons of entourage, and all of extras*****which is AMAZING and you need to see it. can't be healthy. i had a hard time leaving the house.. and doing anything productive. i felt really overwhelmed and i didn't want to revisit my feeling of leaving india.

sometimes i turn into this wimp that cant handle reality.

but i snapped out of it!

yesterday was kyle and derek's party. they broke my heart.
I SAW JULIANNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was a lot of fun! miss alexandria came, too! and ryan and justin and much much more! i really love these friends... they're such good people. you know, we all have friends that you get embarrassed to be around, don't want to bring them in front of your other friends, and really kind of hate sometimes... well these aren't them. these friends are the kind you're excited to introduce to your parents, teachers, grandmas, pets, and all of your other friends.
we had a slumber party.
that's how badass we are.

s o m u c h f u n.

if you were thinking about going, but didn't, you're an idiot.

Then today i took the crew on a small tour of monrovia! They got to see the house i grew up in, my cats, and my dog that derek is afraid of. it was nice :)

Julianne shouldn't live so far away.

oh man, i just coughed a sick kind of cough.
i better not be getting sick.

when you drive when you're sleepy do you ever slap yourself in the face to keep you awake? cause i do. i always wonder if any other driver has seen me slapping myself while i drive... i did a lot of that tonight.

i need to sleep. like now.

peace.

meant to be.

muahahaha!

my phone's not working... and i'm too lazy to go to the at&t store.

i want to go visit my family in arizona.

i made spaghetti sauce tonight....... yummm.

aaaaaaand i will do anything to avoid doing work.

the office is amazing. specifically season 2 disk 2.

i miss alexandria.

mammoth...

i love that picture because there are TWO alex's.

snowboarding for the first time
i'm a dork...


but i'm also badass.

thank goodness there are no pictures of me actually riding...
i was on my ass most of the time anyways.

sooooo i'm trying to be a better person..
india has inspired me to do so.
but it's hard!
i used to lie so much about the stupidest, most meaningless things...
it's hard to get out of that habit.
and don't judge me...
but i used to steal things that fit in the palm of my hand.
relax, only at stores.
for example...
i went to the grocery store the other day and i wanted to buy white ground pepper.
EIGHT DOLLARS.
eight! that's 400 rupees!!
that could've easily fit into my purse and exited the store with no problem.
and 3 months ago i would've done just that...
but i didn't.
i bought the damn pepper and it tasted delicious on my homemade mac and cheese.

being good is making me poor.


meh.

you know what else is kind of cool?
india has made me brave!
i am no longer afraid of spiders.
if you know anything about me, that's a miracle.
sorry peta, but i've killed like 7 spiders without a squeal!

does peta care about insects?

this is a spider that a few students at light and life academy caught to take a picture of...in india

yikes.

and i have a better attitude!
i don't get mad much anymore.
LA traffic still brings out some road rage in me, but it's not nearly as bad.
and i continue to be clumsy, like yesterday i dropped a frozen avacado (don't ask) on my foot, and it hurt SO bad, and i just laughed it off.

... i think that might just mean i'm crazy.

how old do we have to be to get stuck in our ways? i hope that never happens to me.

today we picked out an awesome title for our india project!
it's perfect and i love it and i'm excited to tell my friends in india.
but i'm not telling you, yet. . . so suck on that.

i like this

india fog is so much cooler.

i'm getting bored with my surroundings.
someone want to capture me and take me away?

i am so excited to go to kyle and derek's this saturday.
i haven't seen them in forever..
AND i'll see justin and ryan... but most importantly (sorry boys) JULIANNE!!!
damn, i miss her.

we met this past summer and we were inseperable until she graduated and i left for india at the same time. now she's all the way in sd :(

picture from this past summer... don't get scared because we have no makeup on!

i love her. we get in trouble when we're together!
saturday will be interesting.
are you nervous?
ha!

i want to make my own clothes. teach me?

i think i'm going to make more spaghetti.

what do you think the chances are of me meeting ryan gosling?

i a m a m e s s.

peace.

i'm eating candy.

helloooooo!

i don't know what that face is.. but i figured it was bloggable.
so it's been a while... so much to go over!

it's been an awesome break! so sad that it's over, actually.

i spent most of my time with this young lady right here:

Alexandria motherfkin Cesena.

we did the most random things.





i love her and mister kai.





we saw 7 movies in theater in 11 days.


also....
this might be the way my parents find out that i got these... and they're going to kill me.
sorry mom and papi... i love you. just remember, i'm a good kid! :)
my first tattoos (yes, plural):







i know... i'm crazy.
please don't kill me, mom.


saw some good old friends

played some games... swear i wasn't cheating

tried to recapture that feeling :) thanks matt!



more friends

i love jason.



can't you tell how awesome he is?

mister frank bucci... ryan gosling has nothing on him.

Jason and Garret!!! Garret is going to be a brain surgeon. no joke.

party at Davids....

David and Lee! i've seen both of them naked. not in a sexual way, relax.

Andrew and Mark

this really sums up Lee.


then random few...
pig.

fog.

tattoo convention.

paw prints... my puppy loves me.



recap:

saw the following movies:
Slumdog Millionaire
Benjamin Button
Milk
The Wrestler
Yes Man
Revolutionary Road
Doubt
moved to ojai
saw vince vaughn
got my first three tattoos
went to mammoth and snowboarded for the first time
road on a motorcycle
saw three bears
chinatown
picked up a friend in jail
hung out with some of my best friends ever
made some cool new friends


peace.

hello 2009, my name is amanda.

i hope you're as good to me as 2008 was.

If you could just help me with the following 2009 new years resolutions, i would be eternally grateful!

be healthy.
i let the stress of school and life get to me both physically and emotionally. i can't let it negatively effect my life. i want to make sure i stay active, because that's when i'm the happiest. also, i need to deal with my stress in a responsible matter.. i can't shut down anymore.

do something new.
every week. everyday, dammit. i want to explore! i don't want any boundaries... just go. anything, too. it can be as small as trying a new restaurant to randomly going to mammoth for a day to snowboard for the first time. i love life, and i only have one, so i need to make the best of it!

do it.
i want to do a project where i go back to india for 6 months. It will need some financing from an outside source. i've started a marketing plan. i have a lot of passion for this project, and it's going to take a lot of work... i just have to do it. i'm going to do it.

that's all.

thank you, 2009.

love,
me

peace.