Wednesday, December 31, 2008

exuse me, amanda... get it together.

you're getting stressed out again.

you can't let yourself shut down like this; it's not healthy.

you have a lot of work to do, and i know it's not going to be fun, but you gotta do it.

you know this reaction is not right, and you CAN do something about it. use those tools that you learned in your cc class... get a planner, make your to-do lists, prioritize, and most importantly, schedule down time for yourself. you know it works... so get out of your head and move it!

tomorrow will be a new year, new chance, new opportunity to approach your life.

let's use 2009 to it's fullest potential.

i thank you, 2008

2008, you have been very good to me.

Let's take it back.....

January- got my puppy loki and started my upper division classes!!
February- went to my first nascar race with scott and nick.. yes, i LOVE nascar, specifically carl edwards.
March- i first started to truly believe that i am a photographer
April- got accepted to go on the india trip
May- meeting julianne, justin, ryan, kyle, derek.
June- nature class camping trips... jb and i had THE most fun.
July- Lake Mead.. wakeboarded for the first time! got a pretty good tan, too
August- a million lunches with jb and justin
September- taking over the ventura campus
October- are you nervous?
November- india. the friends/family i made there. elephant riding. just india.
December- Ooty. finally realizing what i want to do with my photography.

honorable mentions:
-14 hour vegas trip with alexandria.. what the private party, bowing lanes, pool table awkwardness? i don't remember what month that was in lol
-the dark knight, slumdog millionaire, milk, the wrestler, burn after reading, iron man, juno, no country for old men, wall-e, pineapple express, there will be blood.
i love movies.
-the office's holly. she was the shit.
-reading, yes reading, inglorious bastards
-the random adventures with justin and jb
-jake gyllenhaal and ryan gosling... just for being so damn hot.

thank you, 2008, for everything this year. you have been the best year of my life... so far!


Saturday, December 27, 2008


So i've been meaning to post for a while now.. and decided that i wouldn't get out of bed until i did just that.

so here i am, in bed, editing photos to post on my blog

i'm SO glad photobooth doesn't take high resolution pictures.

ohhhhhhh man. . . it's so nice to feel happy again!

First, i have to tell of the interesting decision i made...

i moved to OJAI!

into a studio... by myself.

goodbye santa barbara!

i figured since i'm going to be at the ventura campus a lot anyways next session. . . might as well move closer. it's a really nice area... super close to lake casitas and only a 20 minute bike ride to the ventura campus! This will be good for me. i can feel it.

some pix of my move:

first i broke spidey. had to leave him behind...

look at all of the shit i threw out! those trash cans are full of just my stuff.

my car.. poorly packed. i actually rented a 27ft uhual (yes 27fter) but was too embarrassed to take a picture of its ginormoty (yes i just made up that word).

new place!

big main room

my-sized kitchen...

and my own backyard :)

i've got a good feeling about this!

So my last post i was definitely still super mad and sad and upset and all bad feelings. Later that day... i had a visiter that changed everything for me... miss alexandria cesena!!

she's such a good friend. she knew i was in a funk and drove all the way from monrovia to visit me for a day! she really lifted my spirits!

we are the ultimate duo:

I'm still upset about not being able to stay in india, but am no longer dwelling on it. instead i'm now working on a project that combines fine art and documentary photography that will take place in india once i graduate. Alex and i are working on it... we have a solid concept and theme, and we're currently working on a marketing plan! it's exciting to have something to work towards! It's going to happen!

This experience in india has made me realize what i want to do for my career!

how awesome is that??!

Anyways, now i'm home in Monrovia, ca for a few days.

Christmas was nice. It was the smallest yet, which was peaceful. i actually slept through most of christmas... i'm finally catching up on sleep. It's nice.

here's my grandma and my mom! i love them both so much... they're my biggest fans!

my puppy loki

ZOEY and my broster

teddy thinks he's a present.. but he's just trouble.


teddy thinks he's a baby... and my dad eats it up!

next years family xmas card picture??

i love my family.
it's good to be home.

Yesterday i went to alexandria's casa for a bit...

this is kai kingston. if he was like a year older i would totally be his girlfriend.

This made me smile so big... this calendar is up in alex's kitchen :)

i love these two.

so india is still following me everywhere! I saw two movies the past few days that i knew nothing about going into them... and one was completely about india, and the other the main character goes to india at the end of the movie. WTF?!

Go see them, though... they were both awesome. seriously... really really good.

okay that's all... i'm off to the gym!


Tuesday, December 23, 2008

time and time again

my jet lag is fading.

i'm not so down anymore... but i feel numb now.
i've been really focused on my move, it's distracted me some.

i'm just really upset with Brooks.
i need to accept it and move on, i know.

okay, one last vent...

I hate being treated like a child. I'm sick of trying to prove myself to people.

goddammit Brooks, who the fuck are you to waste my time and money? what gives you the right to tell me what i can or can't do during my break?? how is it that to go on this trip you forced me to sign a paper saying you're not responsible for me, then tell me i would fail this fucking class if i didn't go back?? how did this happen? how the fuck did they get away with this?
it doesn't make ANY sense. MY money, MY break, MY choice, right?
there had to have been some sort of legal document i could have signed to be able to stay. why wouldn't they give it to me? why the fuck did they tease me?

87% of me wants to tell Brooks to FUCK OFF, sell all of my shit, and go back to finish what i started. really though, if i wasn't so close to graduating, i would probably drop out.

I would find another school that wasn't a CEC money making machine. You FUCKING IDIOTS, you're ruining Brooks reputation. You wonder why enrollment has gone down soo much? it's because you're letting people into the school who AREN'T serious about photography! YOU'LL LET ANYONE WHO IS WILLING TO TAKE OUT LOANS INTO THE SCHOOL. your enrollment process is a joke! no portfolio, no references, nothing. i didn't even write the STUPID one-page essay, and i got in. it's retarded. Then you charge $26,000 a year for just tuition... that doesn't even include the materials we need.... you can easily add $10,000 a year to that. with the way our economy is, who the fuck is going to invest in a school that has a high drop rate and costs an arm and a leg?!


i could be in fucking india right now.

but i'm not. that's it.

I know i just ripped Brooks a new one... and don't get me wrong. The teachers and classes are amazing here! CEC is just fucking up big time. They're firing teachers that shouldn't be fired and making a lot of stupid financial moves that is giving Brooks a bad reputation. It really sucks, because the education you get here is so good, but this company is making it really hard to support it.

I think the only way i'll be happy with Brooks again is if they buy me an open ended roundtrip ticket to india.

i won't hold my breath.

negative nancy has left.

It feels good to vent. i feel a little better.

i look sexy when i haven't showered.

back to unpacking... pictures of my odd decision are coming soon.


Monday, December 22, 2008

change of scenery.

This is my cool, badass, american myspace pic.

i look possessed.

i <3 that bracelet, though.
something big is happening.
i've made an odd decision.

pictures are to come...

it'll be interesting, to say the least.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

one of these days, amanda

pow, right in the kisser.

it's 4:25am. i need a haircut.

you know what i did yesterday?? NOTHING. you should all be so proud.

i got out of my pjs for like 5 minutes to go say bye to justin... but didn't even make it.

i literally laid in bed all day. not even sleeping. just being there. I'm trying to get back on the right sleep cycle, but it's just not happening.


i'm thinking of doing an internship in india. how fucking awesome would that be? My friend Ankit sent me names of 4 different commercial photographers in india... and i especially love the work of one. I'm doing it. it's done already. July 2009... india, watch out!

goals for today:
-walk for at least an hour around town and shoot at least 10 pictures.
-start packing
-figure out if i should move into a place or just get storage space for now
-go to the gym
-go see a movie and eat some popcorn.

Scott bought me a Volcom sweater for christmas and i love it. :)

aaaaand i like this:

don't i blend in?

self portrait

Rahul is fucking awesome

josh and me. i found my foot twin.

that's all.

Friday, December 19, 2008

figure it out, amanda.

i think my body refuses to adjust to being back in the states. i am not getting over this jet lag. i've been up since 10pm.

class was interesting today. i was actually calm and rational when explaining my feelings on the theme of our project. even though i'm going insane, when i talk about india, i make sense. pretty much everyone was super exhausted. Except for sam... she said she's never been better. it's crazy how different we all are.

Paul was pretty stressed. barely anyone was prepared to turn in their images. i turned in mine, but they weren't captioned properly. Post production did not start off the best.

I'm just so overwhelmed. I don't even know what to do. I think i want to change my major, but i don't know if i can. i have to figure out what GE classes i'm taking next session, but i don't even know where i will be living. I'm homeless. i might move to ventura because it's cheaper and i'll have to be there a lot next session. i don't know.

I went out to lunch today with adam, sam and co. At one point adam looked at me and said, "you're really heartbroken over this." then he said something about my spirit being crushed and how he wants the old amanda back. well, i want india back.

It's nice being able to talk to scott and justin again. I feel like i'm terrible company, though. all i can talk about is india. i'm so pathetic!

i don't even know who i am anymore.

i don't want to watch tv. i don't want to go shopping. i don't want to go to the movies. i don't want to take pictures. i don't want to do anything.

why can't i snap out of this?

actually, i kind of want to go walking. i think i'm going to make some time to do that and take my camera and see what happens.

Justin's leaving for hawaii tomorrow. what a bastardo.

now some awesomeness...
i got to check off something on my "things i have to do before i die" list... RIDE AN ELEPHANT.

check it:

Ganesh, Kannan, and Leshmi

maddy and becca

adam and josh

we got to feed them pineapples and bananas

then we got to bathe them

see some tricks

and last but definitely not least.... Leshmi gave us a shower!